Colossians 3:18-21

I feel sheepish writing about the Bible. My whole life I believed I was some sort of expert on the most complex work of literature ever compiled. Funny thoughts for a fourteen year old to have. I have been studying Colossians paragraph by paragraph. Each day I read and reread a new section and think about it, writing down any thoughts in my journal. Yesterday's section (Colossians 3:18-21) left me with some new insights.

" (18) Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (19) Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. (20) Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. (21) Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart."

This paragraph primarily describes the healthy way to conduct family relationships. Paul starts with the marriage. Specifically, he begins with the wife. 'Cuz if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Who out there has not heard it said a million times: "Wives, submit to your husbands..." The three periods strategically placed following the word husband represents the strategic absence in this lesson on family. It's similar to the following command: "Children obey your parents no matter what..." For years, the church has taught wives and children to submit to the almighty man. But, wait a minute, isn't the guy writing this a man? He may not be a man, but, he is definitely male. Does the church suffer from age and gender discrimination?

Paul followed his commands to the matriarchs with this one, "Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter towards them." These are not suggestions for happy marriages along the lines of the prayer of Jabez. Paul's words belong in the same category as Love the Lord your God and love your neighbors as yourselves. The husband and wife relationship MUST BE symbiotic. Wives must submit and Husbands must love. Women need love as badly as men need respect. If either element of Paul's relational equation fails, the marriage fails.

The next topic Paul introduces describes the parent-child pairing. Paul says Children must obey their parents. I've never met a parent that did not agree with and preach this command in the streets. How many times have you heard pastors warn parents to be careful about exasperating their children? What does it mean to exasperate a child? We have a saying here at Shelterwood that goes like this: "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion." Paul, almost two thousand years ago, says the exact same thing in different words. Exasperation occurs when children feel like parents are using them to keep the house clean or asking them to be quiet so the parent can concentrate on their own things or making rules and assigning consequences without explaining their decision. When I know and believe that parents love me and have my best interest in their minds and hearts, I feel energized and willing to do whatever they need me to do.

Paul's commands are not about give and take. Wives must not submit to receive love, husbands must not love to receive submission, children must not obey to earn their parents affection or avoid consequences, parents must not be lenient just to say that at least their children obey them. Whatever your role in the family is, you must fulfill it. That is all you can do. Verse 22 talks about living life in a way as if everything you did was for God. Paul uses the adverb "heartily." When I think heartily, I see laughter, embracing, affection, smiling, and joy. Let us begin to heartily live our lives for God fulfilling Paul's commands in our closest relationships. See what happens!