The Most Important Job

I have a beautiful family. One especially beautiful part of the family is my lovely sister Hannah. When Hannah graduated high school she focused on one goal. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Hannah's answer had to parts, she wanted to be a wife and a mommy. At 23, she accomplished both.

I share the same goal with Hannah. Yes, I want to be a wife and a mommy...

Okay, just kidding. I want to be a husband and a daddy. I remember talking with my friends in high school about how many kids I would want when the time came. This is a great question. I want a million but at the same time, I don't want any.

Having a family is the most important job in the world. It's important because it is the bedrock of our society. Bad families = bad world. PERIOD. This is an undeniable fact. One of the reasons Africa is in trouble is because parents are dying daily from AIDS. How could anyone walk lightly into these two positions.

The inspiration for all this crazy future talk is the family sitting by me at a coffee shop. They are a beautiful family. When they first arrived, it was just a dad and his two children. The mother came by later. This whole time, I was furiously typing away on this little box. Suddenly, I looked up and noticed the children were gone and the father sat lonely in his seat shuffling a card game he had been playing with his kids. Had the mother come to pick up her kids from their divorced father ending their visitation time. This should be the normal conclusion these days shouldn't it?

The opposite is true, thank God! The children went to get drink refills and now the whole family sits across the room from me playing a game together. I almost cried when I thought the children had left. Why does conservative Christianity invest time and money to make abortion illegal when we should be focusing on fixing the families in our communities? What is wrong with us?

This takes a lot of humility to say, but, James Dobson is right to focus on the family. They're laughing and smiling together and I am with them. This dad is showing his kids that they matter and he loves them. Do you feel that from your dad? from God? Do you men give that love to the children around you? Do you women? Do I?

It Does Hurt More

I have heard the words a million times: "This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me." Until Friday, that was the biggest joke I had ever heard.

I am a RCS at Doulos Ministries in Branson, MO. I love this job more than any I have ever worked before. Young men and women, ages 12-17, are sent here by their parents in an effort to restore family relationships. I have the privilege of living with two of those young men (we call them Littles and they call us Bigs).

Last Friday was house night. This means at the Littles and Bigs from the Guy's House embark on an activity together. We went to the Acrobats of China show. It was fantastic! On the way to Krispy Kreme donuts after the show, I asked all the Littles to buckle up in the van. One of my Littles decided not to buckle. This is when being a Big is tough.

At Krispy Kreme, I pulled my Little aside and talked to him about his disobedience. I told him he would receive a work hour (a standard consequence) for his actions. I didn't want to just hand him his punishment and move on. This isn't like a sports activity where I can just hand out penalties. This place depends on relationships. Believe it or not, I already love my Littles very much and really want them to see God's love for them through me. I told him I did not come here for the power and this was not and exercise of that power. It is important to obey authority, I said. Later, I reflected on how "old" I must have sounded and do sound to myself.

My Little seemed to be in a bad mood the rest of the night. This, of course, put me in a bad mood. I felt disconnected. I wanted so badly to reconnect with him again. Unfortunately, he left the next day for a weekend off-property. I miss him and cannot wait to talk to him about this when he returns.

What I find most ironic about this situation, is how badly I wanted to find an alternative to giving consequences. If only talking to him in a stern voice was enough. If only I could yell at him and them buy him a donut to pretend it never happened. These things do not work though. I love him and thats why I know I have to discipline him.

Proverbs 3: 11-12

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

Colossians 3:18-21

I feel sheepish writing about the Bible. My whole life I believed I was some sort of expert on the most complex work of literature ever compiled. Funny thoughts for a fourteen year old to have. I have been studying Colossians paragraph by paragraph. Each day I read and reread a new section and think about it, writing down any thoughts in my journal. Yesterday's section (Colossians 3:18-21) left me with some new insights.

" (18) Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (19) Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. (20) Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. (21) Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart."

This paragraph primarily describes the healthy way to conduct family relationships. Paul starts with the marriage. Specifically, he begins with the wife. 'Cuz if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Who out there has not heard it said a million times: "Wives, submit to your husbands..." The three periods strategically placed following the word husband represents the strategic absence in this lesson on family. It's similar to the following command: "Children obey your parents no matter what..." For years, the church has taught wives and children to submit to the almighty man. But, wait a minute, isn't the guy writing this a man? He may not be a man, but, he is definitely male. Does the church suffer from age and gender discrimination?

Paul followed his commands to the matriarchs with this one, "Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter towards them." These are not suggestions for happy marriages along the lines of the prayer of Jabez. Paul's words belong in the same category as Love the Lord your God and love your neighbors as yourselves. The husband and wife relationship MUST BE symbiotic. Wives must submit and Husbands must love. Women need love as badly as men need respect. If either element of Paul's relational equation fails, the marriage fails.

The next topic Paul introduces describes the parent-child pairing. Paul says Children must obey their parents. I've never met a parent that did not agree with and preach this command in the streets. How many times have you heard pastors warn parents to be careful about exasperating their children? What does it mean to exasperate a child? We have a saying here at Shelterwood that goes like this: "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion." Paul, almost two thousand years ago, says the exact same thing in different words. Exasperation occurs when children feel like parents are using them to keep the house clean or asking them to be quiet so the parent can concentrate on their own things or making rules and assigning consequences without explaining their decision. When I know and believe that parents love me and have my best interest in their minds and hearts, I feel energized and willing to do whatever they need me to do.

Paul's commands are not about give and take. Wives must not submit to receive love, husbands must not love to receive submission, children must not obey to earn their parents affection or avoid consequences, parents must not be lenient just to say that at least their children obey them. Whatever your role in the family is, you must fulfill it. That is all you can do. Verse 22 talks about living life in a way as if everything you did was for God. Paul uses the adverb "heartily." When I think heartily, I see laughter, embracing, affection, smiling, and joy. Let us begin to heartily live our lives for God fulfilling Paul's commands in our closest relationships. See what happens!

The first post should be the worst right?

An amazing teacher once told me to never start my writing with an apology. I just deleted that apology. Today was my first day in Branson. I started the work week with a day off. Pretty great huh? I woke up at seven and ran around the Ozarks for twenty minutes. It was actually a lot of fun running all over. I ran on the road some and some on rock trails. I hit a few dead ends and saw a few new faces. After a delicious breakfest, I went to my first meeting. I love working with my brother Tim. It gives me the warmest and most encouraging feeling deep inside, somewhere around my liver I think, when he introduced me to the rest of the staff. Time for a new paragraph.

Tim and I have never really been that close. I have always looked up to him and thought he was the funniest person on earth. Last year he said some amazing things about our family in front of his coworkers. Since that day, I have strongly desired to pursue a relationship with mi hermano. We have already participated in some amazing discussions together.

After the meeting, I spent some time thinking and facebooking. Two incredibly opposing activities. My buddy Andrew Lentz showed up around 12:30 and we threw a frisbee. We spent the rest of the afternoon laughing and talking about life. It was a great day spent with a great friend.

I planned on going to a Crusade event tonight and hung out with some Doulos staff instead. We ate at this little coffee shop in Springfield. The girls must have chosen the locale because I ate a seven dollar pizza that could have been made with a Pillsbury Doughboy pizza kit and shares the capacity to fill me up with a few chips and salsa. I ached with hunger afterwords. Little did my companions know how much I love to mooch food off other people's plates when they are done eating. Katie Anne put her napkin on her plate. It was just like when William Wallace (Mel Gibson) dropped his dead wife's handkerchief in slow motion as his head his chopped off. Too dramatic?

Tomorrow marks the beginning of my summer with Shelterwood! Please pray for me during this time. Pray for all the great things the Holy Spirit brings into your hearts, but, most importantly, pray that I look to God to meet all my needs. I want to and have to live in complete dependence on Him this summer.